White
by madchilla
Summary: Eren reflects on the time he spent with his older brother, Levi, who is battling cancer.


_A/N: This idea suddenly hit me today. I have no idea where it came from but I got this chapter written in a few hours. This is a brotherAU. There will be no romantic relationship between Levi and Eren. I just felt the need to write cute brother!Eren and Levi_

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It wasn't good news. That's what their eyes told me. Mom's were red. Dad's were distressed. Levi's were cold.

I wasn't allowed in the room with them. Whether that was the doctor's rules or my parents', I didn't know. Whosoever rule it was, it didn't matter. I was separated from the rest of my family and directed to a stale waiting room. The room was empty besides me and the old furniture.

I hated hospitals. Though it was always a rare occasion for any of us to have to visit the hospital, each time felt the same. When Grandma Jaeger had a heart attack, it smelled worse than the times Levi was ordered to clean the bathroom and used too strong of cleaners. The walls were as white as bleached snow when we waited for Dad to get his knee surgery. It was as frightening as the time when I was put under to get my tonsils taken out.

Nothing was different. The hospital smelled bad, everything was too white, and I was terrified.

I shot up from my uncomfortable chair when I saw my family walking down the hallway toward me. They didn't stop to talk. Only mom held her hand out, saying, "Come on, Eren. We're going home." Her shaky voice matched her watering eyes. It wasn't good news.

Dad placed his heavy hand onto my shoulder, bellowing, "Why don't we stop at Culver's?" Culver's was Levi's favorite.

Mom looked up at him. "That's a good idea, Honey."

The car ride from the hospital was silent, more silent than usual. Levi had never been much a talker, but he always went out of his way to make conversation with me in the car, knowing that talking kept my motion sickness at bay. Not that day, though. His lips were pursed together in an unfamiliar scowl as he stared out the window.

My stomach twisted, from the car and from not knowing what was happening. The news was bad, that much was clear, but I didn't know what the news _was_. I gently tugged on the fabric of Levi's grey sweater, hoping that he would comfort me. His head snapped toward me, giving me the coldest stare of the day and harshly pushed my fingers off of him.

That was when I broke. My body jerked as a let out a sob. Mom turned from the passenger seat, reaching her hand to rest on my knee. "Oh, Eren. Is it the car ride?" I nodded, clutching my stomach and willing the tears to stop. "We'll be home soon, alright?"

Dad's eyes flickered into the rear view mirror as he pulled into the drive-thru. "Levi, what do you want?"

In the thirteen years of my life, I'd never heard my brother's voice so dead before that. "I'm not hungry," he grumbled, refusing to tear his eyes away from the window.

Dad closed his eyes for a second before glancing at me. "What about you Eren? Are you hungry?" He sighed when I merely shook my head. Food wouldn't settle well with me at that moment. He ended up ordering only a diet coke.

My eyes remained closed while I focused on not moving as we continued the drive home. The nearest hospital was a good half hour away, but it felt like an eternity to me. I missed Levi trying to get my attention and talking to me to keep my focus off of the world rushing by us. I missed hearing his voice say, "Eren, look at me. It's okay." Instead, the only sound from Levi was him scratching the angry red rash on his neck that made its first appearance a few weeks before.

By the time we pulled into our driveway, I wanted to throw up, but I wouldn't allow myself to. That day wasn't about me. I knew my parents had to focus on Levi. I wanted my parents to focus on Levi, so I fought back the nausea.

Levi trudged past us through snow up to the front door, even though he couldn't get in until Dad unlocked it. When he did, Levi stormed into the house, kicking off his boots and throwing his coat to the floor. Mom would have scolded him, but she only picked the coat up and watched him slam his bedroom door shut.

I followed Mom and Dad into the kitchen, hoping for an explanation. Mom set her purse down onto the kitchen table and sat down. Dad threw away his empty soda cup into the trash and leaned against the counter. I sat down in the wooden chair adjacent to Mom. I looked up at her, pleading, "Mom...what's wrong with Levi?"

She tried to hide the worrying glance she shot at Dad, but I caught it. Dad approached the table and sat across from me. "Sweetie," Mom started, placing her hand over mine. "Levi's very sick."

"We already knew that," I stated.

She took a deep breath. "He's been diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia." I was silent with no idea what she just said. She gave Dad a desperate look, begging him to help her.

"Cancer, Eren. Levi has cancer."

"What?" I gasped. "No!" It couldn't be. No. Levi was always healthy, rarely catching even a common cold. It was absolutely impossible for him to have cancer. Impossible.

Mom retrieved a tissue from her pocket and dabbed her eyes. "There isn't any need to worry, Eren. It's treatable and his odds of beating it are very strong. That's what Doctor Zoe was telling us when you were outside. He starts treatment on Monday. He's going to be okay, alright?"

She squeezed my hand and I nodded. Levi was going to be okay. There was no need for me to cry. He was going to live and beat it.

Since we didn't grab lunch on our way home, Dad started making sandwiches for all of us, something light that we could all stomach. Mom instructed me to fetch Levi from his room so he could eat something.

I thought about how he would look to me as I walked down the hallway. The closer I approached his room, the worse the image got. I hesitated when I reached his door. I dreaded having to face him looking so sickly. I would be able to bear knowing that I would have to watch him battle with death. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rapped on the door three times. "Levi, Mom and Dad want you to come eat lunch." There was no response. I waited a moment longer before knocking again. "Levi! You have to come and eat. Don't ignore me."

The door suddenly flew open and I was pulled inside the room, into his embrace. I didn't care if I could barely breathe in his grip. As long as he wasn't pushing me away, I'd let myself suffocate. His nose buried into my neck, where the skin was quickly dampening. I felt his entire body tremble as he cried silently. "I'm so sorry, Eren," He whimpered. "I know you weren't feeling well in the car and I did nothing to help. I'm sorry."

My arms tightened around him, words escaping me without me thinking twice. "No! Don't be sorry! Please don't apologize. It was nothing. I'm okay."

I hoped that my hand rubbing his back was comforting. Even if it wasn't, he didn't push me away. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm just scared, Eren."

"Why are you scared? There's no need to be scared."

His sobs and whimpering decreased, but his tears still fell hot against my neck. "I'm only sixteen," he blubbered, adding in a whisper, "I don't want to die."

I tore away from him, taking in his flushed face and puffy eyes. Despite what I'd thought previously, Levi looked the same to me. He didn't appear sick or that he was about to fight for his life. He looked normal, and that made me more angry about everything. He was a human being, someone who did well in school and took pleasure in reading leisurely and painting. He had dreams and he had ambitions. As he stood there in his simple sweater and jeans, I just saw Levi, a human being completely undeserving of this disease.

I glared up at him, tears welling in my own eyes. "Don't you say that, Levi. Don't you ever think that you're going to die from this, okay? Because you're not. The doctors said that you're going to beat it. I know you're going to beat it. You're not going die from this."

His chin trembled and he sniffed. I let him hug me again. "I'm sorry, Eren," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "It's going to be hard, okay? I'm going to be a dick to you at times, but I love you. You know that, right? I love you."

"I love you, too." He pulled away, smiling slightly and wiped away the wetness from his face with his sleeve. "And if it makes you feel better," I added. "You can be a dick to me whenever the hell you want."

"Hey!" He snapped. "Watch your language."

"You swear all the time!" I exclaimed.

He hushed me, wiping my face with his other sleeve. "Shh! That's a secret. Trust me, though, I will take you up on that offer. Let this be my apology in advance? I'm sorry for being a dick."

I laughed, "I forgive you. Lets go eat. Dad's making sandwiches."

He ruffled my hair and I let out a displeased sound. "'Kay."


End file.
